Teenage Bullying

'Make Your Child Bully Proof
From The Heroes and Dreams Foundation
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me.' Remember that old rhyme? It wasn't true when you were in school, and it isn't true now. Teasing, taunting and other forms of bullying can cause serious emotional harm to children that lasts much longer than the bloody nose or scraped knees. Ignoring or excusing the behavior, saying things like 'kids will be kids,' only perpetuates the situation.
Bullying takes place in every school: According to the Heroes and Dreams Foundation, a nonprofit resource center for parents in Minneapolis, on average, one student in 10 is bullied at least once a week, and one in three has experienced bullying as either a bully or a target during the average school term. The children most likely to experience bullying are in fifth, sixth and seventh grades. Boys are more likely to be involved than girls.
There are three types of bullying. It can be physical (hitting, kicking, taking things or returning things damaged), verbal (name-calling, taunting, insulting), or emotional (shunning, spreading nasty gossip). It is deliberate and hurtful behavior, usually repeated over a period of time. Bullying is almost always done to kids who are perceived to be more vulnerable than the bullies.
The fear of being harassed in school gets in the way of learning, and makes going to school a miserable experience. Being bullied can make children feel lonely, unhappy and unsafe. Children who are being bullied may develop stomach aches, nightmares, nervousness and anxiety.
What Parents Can Do If your child complains about being bullied at school, or if you suspect that might be happening, here are some suggestions.
Make it clear that you accept your child's reports of what is happening and that you take them seriously. She needs to know she has someone on her side who is willing to help her. Today, you are her hero.
Reassure her that this situation can be resolved.
At the same time, let her know that you do not think this is her fault. Her confidence has already taken a big hit, and she already feels like a victim.
While it is natural to want to protect your child by solving the problem for him, it will serve your child better if you teach him how to solve the problem himself. By learning the skills to stand up for himself, he can use them in other situations.
Ask your child how she has been dealing with the bullying, talk about what else can be done and discuss what actions you can both take to solve the problem. Reassure her you will consult her before taking any action.
Teach your child how to respond to a bully in a bold, assertive way.
Practice with him at home by role playing. Participation in other activities builds confidence and develops social skills, making it easier to find ways of saying, "Leave me alone."
Suggest that your child stick with two or more other children when at the playground, the bus stop or wherever she comes face-to-face with the bully.
Make sure your child knows it is okay to ask for help from a teacher or other adult. Practice what he'll say so he doesn't sound like he's whining or tattling.
Determine if your child has healthy friendships with other children. If not, perhaps she can benefit by developing better social skills.
Encourage her to invite friends over to your home and participate in school activities.
If necessary, meet with school representatives to discuss the problem.
Remember, bullying is not a normal part of growing up. Help your child develop the necessary tools to stick up for himself and others.
The Heroes and Dreams Foundation develops and distributes multimedia learning tools to help parents help their kids ages 5 to 13 achieve academic and social success.

Help Instill Self Confidence in Girls

As girls grow, they are faced with self-esteem issues that affect behavior. Recognizing this and working to instill self-esteem through activities is a win-win for everybody. Here are 10 tips to launch girls on the right path.
Girls want opportunities for leadership. They also want to share in planning and decision-making.

Girls want their voices to be heard now, not just when they are older. They want adults to listen and take them seriously. Actively listen to girls' voices, opinions, and ideas. Remember to recognize accomplishments.

Provide girls with a safe place where they can discuss real issues. Girls desire a trusting, confidential environment to feel emotionally safe.
Girls want to choose from a full range of activities. Create opportunities for girls to explore new things, sample diversity, and give back to their communities.

Girls are experiencing teen pressures at younger and younger ages. However, they may have trouble dealing with these issues because their emotional development may not be in sync with their social, cognitive, and sexual development.

Girls' self-images are determined not only by their self-perceptions but also the perceptions of others. It is imperative that adults be positive, honest, and supportive. Girls also need to strengthen cultural beliefs and practices that enhance self-esteem; this includes a competent approach to dealing with body image and nutrition.

Girls are interested in expressing themselves through a variety of ways—fashion, art, community action, the outdoors, and decorating, for example. Take time to find out what girls' interests are and help them tap into their creativity.

Girls want to connect with young women they admire, such as young professionals and college students. They also want to work with "experts" who can share their talents. Offer girls opportunities to connect with a myriad of adult role models.

Girls ages 8–12 are more worried about being teased and made fun of than they are about being attacked with a weapon or being kidnapped. That is how seriously they regard negative attention. Show, by example, how important it is to respect girls' experiences.

In the company of other females, girls can express themselves without fear of being judged by boys. Provide opportunities for girls to build on their strengths and try new things in a supportive all-girl environment. By Randell M. Bynum and Judy Schoenberg

Self Esteem

What is Low Self Esteem?
Low self esteem comes from a poor self image. Your self image is based on how you see yourself. Do you think you are a good, reliable, hardworking, honest or friendly person? Do you like what you see when you look in the mirror or do you believe others look better and dress better than you?
What is High Self Esteem?
High self esteem is the opposite of the above! If you have a high level of self esteem you will be confident, happy, highly motivated and have the right attitude to succeed.
The Importance of Self Esteem.
Self esteem is crucial and is a cornerstone of a positive attitude towards living. It is very important because it affects how you think, act and even how you relate to other people. It allows you to live life to your potential. Low self esteem means poor confidence and that also causes negative thoughts which means that you are likely to give up easily rather than face challenges. In addition, it has a direct bearing on your happiness and wellbeing.

Girls Coping with drugs, alcholo, sexting....

(CNN) – If you have teenagers, the list of things to worry about seems to grow longer every day. It can be even more stressful if you have a teenage daughter.
Research shows more girls than ever are taking anti-depressants, using alcohol and even drinking and driving. Technology is adding new problems with things like Internet bullying and sexting. For more info see our link to this special report on CNN. Click on "Girls coping with drugs, alcohol, sexting."

Talk about inspiration.....Meet Nick Vujicic

To be inspired click here
Being bullied at his school, Vujicic grew extremely depressed, and by the age of 8, started contemplating suicide. After begging God to grow arms and legs, Nick eventually began to realize that his accomplishments were inspirational to many, and began to thank God for being alive. A key turning point in his life was when his mother showed him a newspaper article about a man dealing with a severe disability. This led him to realize he wasn't the only one with major struggles. When he was seventeen, he started to give talks at his prayer group, and eventually started his non-profit organization, Life Without Limbs.
Sometimes we think we can't....but we can! What CAN you do?

Encouragement, pass it on!

"You need to be aware of what others are doing, applaud their efforts, acknowledge their successes, and encourage them in their pursuits. When we all help one another, everybody wins.”

Lot's of Resources Out There...

As a parent of 2 awesome kids I realize what a job it can be to raise the best kids we can. Sometimes we need a little help, or some good advice, Healthy Place (www.healthyplace.com) has some great information. Check it out. Self-esteem in our young people is so key. If you raise children with good self-esteem they have the courage to say "no" to all the temptations out there. Help them say no, be a supporting parent, tell them how special they are and how you want the best for them, that you care about them and love them!

I'm too fat, I'm too skinny....

I'm fat. I'm too skinny. I'd be happy if I were taller, shorter, had curly hair, straight hair, a smaller nose, bigger muscles, longer legs.

Do any of these statements sound familiar? Are you used to putting yourself down? If so, you're not alone. As a teen, you're going through a ton of changes in your body. And as your body changes, so does your image of yourself. Lots of people have trouble adjusting, and this can affect their self-esteem.

Why Are Self-Esteem and Body Image Important?
Self-esteem is all about how much people value themselves, the pride they feel in themselves, and how worthwhile they feel. Self-esteem is important because feeling good about yourself can affect how you act. A person who has high self-esteem will make friends easily, is more in control of his or her behavior, and will enjoy life more.

Body image is how someone feels about his or her own physical appearance.

For many people, especially those in their early teens, body image can be closely linked to self-esteem. That's because as kids develop into teens, they care more about how others see them.

What Influences a Person's Self-Esteem?
Puberty
Some teens struggle with their self-esteem when they begin puberty because the body goes through many changes. These changes, combined with a natural desire to feel accepted, mean it can be tempting for people to compare themselves with others. They may compare themselves with the people around them or with actors and celebs they see on TV, in movies, or in magazines.

But it's impossible to measure ourselves against others because the changes that come with puberty are different for everyone. Some people start developing early; others are late bloomers. Some get a temporary layer of fat to prepare for a growth spurt, others fill out permanently, and others feel like they stay skinny no matter how much they eat. It all depends on how our genes have programmed our bodies to act.

The changes that come with puberty can affect how both girls and guys feel about themselves. Some girls may feel uncomfortable or embarrassed about their maturing bodies. Others may wish that they were developing faster. Girls may feel pressure to be thin but guys may feel like they don't look big or muscular enough.

Outside Influences
It's not just development that affects self-esteem, though. Many other factors (like media images of skinny girls and bulked-up guys) can affect a person's body image too.

Family life can sometimes influence self-esteem. Some parents spend more time criticizing their kids and the way they look than praising them, which can reduce kids' ability to develop good self-esteem.

People also may experience negative comments and hurtful teasing about the way they look from classmates and peers. Sometimes racial and ethnic prejudice is the source of such comments. Although these often come from ignorance, sometimes they can affect someone's body image and self-esteem.

Continue
Healthy Self-Esteem
If you have a positive body image, you probably like and accept yourself the way you are. This healthy attitude allows you to explore other aspects of growing up, such as developing good friendships, growing more independent from your parents, and challenging yourself physically and mentally. Developing these parts of yourself can help boost your self-esteem.


A positive, optimistic attitude can help people develop strong self-esteem — for example, saying, "Hey, I'm human" instead of "Wow, I'm such a loser" when you've made a mistake, or not blaming others when things don't go as expected.

Knowing what makes you happy and how to meet your goals can help you feel capable, strong, and in control of your life. A positive attitude and a healthy lifestyle (such as exercising and eating right) are a great combination for building good self-esteem.

Tips for Improving Your Body Image
Some people think they need to change how they look or act to feel good about themselves. But actually all you need to do is change the way you see your body and how you think about yourself.

The first thing to do is recognize that your body is your own, no matter what shape, size, or color it comes in. If you're very worried about your weight or size, check with your doctor to verify that things are OK. But it's no one's business but your own what your body is like — ultimately, you have to be happy with yourself.

Next, identify which aspects of your appearance you can realistically change and which you can't. Everyone (even the most perfect-seeming celeb) has things about themselves that they can't change and need to accept — like their height, for example, or their shoe size.

If there are things about yourself that you want to change and can (such as how fit you are), do this by making goals for yourself. For example, if you want to get fit, make a plan to exercise every day and eat nutritious foods. Then keep track of your progress until you reach your goal. Meeting a challenge you set for yourself is a great way to boost self-esteem!

When you hear negative comments coming from within yourself, tell yourself to stop. Try building your self-esteem by giving yourself three compliments every day. While you're at it, every evening list three things in your day that really gave you pleasure. It can be anything from the way the sun felt on your face, the sound of your favorite band, or the way someone laughed at your jokes. By focusing on the good things you do and the positive aspects of your life, you can change how you feel about yourself.

BackContinue
Where Can I Go if I Need Help?
Sometimes low self-esteem and body image problems are too much to handle alone. A few teens may become depressed, lose interest in activities or friends — and even hurt themselves or resort to alcohol or drug abuse.

If you're feeling this way, it can help to talk to a parent, coach, religious leader, guidance counselor, therapist, or an adult friend. A trusted adult — someone who supports you and doesn't bring you down — can help you put your body image in perspective and give you positive feedback about your body, your skills, and your abilities.

If you can't turn to anyone you know, call a teen crisis hotline (check the yellow pages under social services or search online). The most important thing is to get help if you feel like your body image and self-esteem are affecting your life.
For more info, go to www.kidshealth.org

Help for Parents....

What Parents Can Do At Home
Your words are powerful and can influence attitudes and performance in school and at home.
Suggest activities and experiences for girls that may be traditionally reserved for boys. Girls may not ask for the chance to fix a leaky pipe, build a fence or explore the cause of an electrical short, but are enthusiastic participants when given the opportunity. Encourage girls to explore non-traditional areas of interest. Praise demonstrations of daring, curiosity.
Stereotypes are powerful. Encourage girls, as well as boys, to question them.
Praise your daughter for her skills and ideas rather than for her appearance and neatness.
Resist rescuing girls or providing ready answers. Research shows that this kind of "help" undermines girls' confidence in their abilities.
Encourage new, non-traditional thinking and methods of problem solving. Help foster an environment where girls know it's acceptable to get sweaty and dirty in pursuit of a goal.
No Iframes
Become a media critic and encourage that approach in your daughter. Discuss with her the portrayals of girls and women on television, in movies, in magazines and in popular music. Does the media offer positive or negative role models for girls? Explore the messages and assumptions that the media is sending. These discussions provide ideal opportunities to explore the roles of girls and women in society.

How can parents help their daughters develop healthy self-esteem?

Although the media, peers, and pop culture influence children, parents still hold more sway than they think when it comes to having an impact on a daughter's developing self-esteem. Here's how parents can help:
Monitor your own comments about your self and your daughter.
Get dads involved. Girls with active, hardworking dads attend college more often and are more ambitious, more successful in school, more likely to attain careers of their own, less dependent, more self protective, and less likely to date an abusive man.
Watch your own stereotypes; let daughters help fix the kitchen sink and let sons help make dinner.
Encourage your daughter to speak her mind.
Let girls fail - which requires letting them try. Helping them all the time or protecting them, especially if done by dad, can translate into a girl feeling incapable or incompetent.
Don't limit girls' choices, let them try math, buy them a chemistry kit. Interest, not just expertise, should be motivation enough.
Get girls involved with sports/physical activity, it can reduce their risk of chronic diseases. Female athletes do better academically and have lower school drop-out rates than non-athletes. Regular physical activity can enhance girls' mental health, reduce symptoms of stress and depression, make them feel strong and competent
Watch television, movies, and other media with your daughters and sons. Discuss how images of girls are portrayed.
Counteract advertisers who take advantage of the typical anxieties and self-doubts of pre-teen and teenage girls by making them feel they need their product to feel "cool." To sensitize them to this trend and to highlight the effect that ads can have on people, discuss the following questions (adapted from the Media Awareness Network) with children:
1.Do you ever feel bad about yourself for not owning something?
2.Have you ever felt that people might like you more if you owned a certain item?
3.Has an ad made you feel that you would like yourself more, or that others would like you more if you owned the product the ad is selling?
4.Do you worry about your looks? Have you ever felt that people would like you more if your face, body, skin or hair looked different?
5.Has an ad ever made you feel that you would like yourself more, or others would like you more, if you changed your appearance with the product the ad was selling?
It is within the family that a girl first develops a sense of who she is and who she wants to become. Parents armed with knowledge can create a psychological climate that will enable each girl to achieve her full potential. Parents can help their daughters avoid developing, or overcome, negative feelings about themselves and grow into strong, self-confident women.

NYU Child Study Center

Introduction
Although women have made gains in education and employment in the equal rights war, they're still losing the self-esteem war. Girls' self-esteem peaks when they are about 9 years old, then takes a nosedive. Here is a look at why girls' self-esteem plummets and what can be done to prevent it.
What do we know about girls' self-esteem?
Self-esteem is related to how we feel about ourselves: it's not just how we look but how we feel about how we look. And it's not just how successful or smart others say we are, but how confident we feel about our talents and abilities. Consider the following in order to understand the internal and external pressures girls feel and how these pressures affect the development of their self-esteem:
Eating disorders, low self-esteem, and depression are the most common mental health problems in girls.
59% of 5–12th grade girls in one survey were dissatisfied with their body shape.
20–40% of girls begin dieting at age 10.
By 15, girls are twice as likely to become depressed than boys.
Among 5–12th graders, 47% said they wanted to lose weight because of magazine pictures.
Health risks accompany girls' drop in self-esteem due to risky eating habits, depression, and unwanted pregnancy.
Girls aged 10 and 12 (tweens) are confronted with "teen" issues such as dating and sex, at increasingly earlier ages. 73% of 8–12–year olds dress like teens and talk like teens.
When and why does girls' self-esteem drop?
Starting in the pre-teen years, there is a shift in focus; the body becomes an all consuming passion and barometer of worth.
Self-esteem becomes too closely tied to physical attributes; girls feel they can't measure up to society standards.
Between 5th and 9th grade, gifted girls, perceiving that smarts aren't sexy, hide their accomplishments.
Teenage girls encounter more "stressors" in life, especially in their personal relationships, and react more strongly than boys to these pressures, which accounts in part for the higher levels of depression in girls.
The media, including television, movies, videos, lyrics, magazine, internet, and advertisements, portray images of girls and women in a sexual manner—revealing clothing, body posture and facial expressions—as models of femininity for girls to emulate.

We all want our children to have good relations with their peers as well as have a great self-image. Girls in particular often struggle with poor body image, peer and social pressures to look a certain way, or can lose confidence in their academic abilities during adolescence. Help ensure your daughter grows up to be a strong and confident woman by reading our collection of expert articles.

Acts of Kindness

What God is calling us to do:
For I was hungry and your son gave me something to eat.
I was thirsty and your daughter gave me something to drink.
I was a stranger and your child invited me into your home.
I needed clothes and your family clothed me.
I was sick and your mother looked after me.
I was in prison and you and your children came to visit me.
Matthew 25:35-36

Teenage Girls Today